"I'm not good enough"
Four little words. A phrase on repeat in my head. A short story I tell myself.
This belief, "I'm not good enough", is most likely the reason why I've worked so hard throughout my entire life, and continue to do so. This belief, "I'm not good enough" is the reason why I continue to push myself, and have struggled to settle with anything less than perfect. It's a self limiting belief that is there to protect me.
Our brains and minds are powerful things. The thought centre of our bodies. The idea behind self limiting beliefs being that they are there to protect us, protect us from threats akin to when the only threat was who was trying to kill us, and when the physiological response is fight or flight, pre-programmed in response to a harmful event, perceived attack or threat.
On reflection, after a recent event with Nir Eyal, The Marketing Society and The Illuminari, exploring why people believe that they believe, what I've noticed is that my belief has fuelled me to gather the evidence, gather the qualifications and gather the experience, so that I have proof and evidence that "I am good enough". I am good enough to be doing the work I'm doing now as a Marketing Consultant and Executive Coach.
Nir Eyal said that the word lie is in the word belief. And with that, what lies do we tell ourselves day-in, day-out, that our brains and bodies choose to believe?
Flipping the Narrative
What if my belief isn't true? What if I turned around the narrative I've been telling myself for years - arguably this has been my fuel. Beliefs are malleable and can change, facts are not and cannot change.
I achieved top grades at school, top results from The University of Manchester and most recently qualified as an Executive Coach from Henley Business School, one of the top coaching programmes globally. I've worked in brilliant companies, worked my way into top leadership roles and leading brilliant teams, that meant, on paper at least, I was successful. So, my belief isn't true, I have the facts to prove it. Yet, why do I continue to feel that my belief is true?
Through my coaching work, I work with ambitious marketers on their own limiting beliefs and liberating beliefs, building their confidence, unpicking their struggles and their challenges, to increase their motivation. What I will now take into my work is some of the methods outlined in Nir's book Beyond Belief to counter the beliefs my clients hold about themselves and those around them, and what sort of coach would I be to not use these myself to continue to break down the fear and challenge my self talk?
The turnaround method in Beyond Belief, tried and tested with Nir at the event was particularly useful, and used to try out with other members of The Marketing Society and said out loud.
Start with your belief
Then examine the following questions:
- Is it true?
- Can I absolutely know that it's true?
- What happens when I believe that thought?
- Who would I be without that thought?
- And finally, what happens when I turn it around?
"I'm not good enough". Flip it, and it becomes "I'm good enough". Reframe it and it's "I am enough". Both positive mantras I can repeat in those moments where my own confidence dips, knowing that this phrase has kept me safe and has driven me to this day. I've added a new one too, "progress over perfection", mainly to not get myself held up on putting my thoughts out there too. While persistence doesn't guarantee success, quitting guarantees failure.
How would you flip your own self-limiting beliefs?
Wait, I need to correct that last line: the original reads "How would you flip your own self-limiting belief?" (singular). I changed it by mistake above, so please use this version: How would you flip your own self-limiting belief?
