The things you hear...

Back in 2011, I went client-side as Head of Copy. After making it as a Copywriter, the goal was to always become Head of Copy. What I didn't realise is that with more and more responsibility comes more and more meetings. There are meetings about budgets, forecasts, performance, objectives, results, sales and loads of other things that involve numbers – I hate numbers.

But the funny thing about meetings is the way people speak in them. It's like conversation skills and everyday words are left at the door to make way for business jargon.

So I created the Twitter hashtag, #thingsyouhearinmeetings and shared what I was hearing:

“How pregnant are we with the idea?”

“It’s humping the leg of convention.”

“There’s why and there’s how – and there’s so what?”

“Can we get a quick rundown of behaviours?”

“We’re awaiting business readiness.”

And people joined in because they're all sitting in meetings hearing this shit too.

“10 million users is the new 1 million users.”

@misslashark

“I’m not overwhelmed by it and I’m not underwhelmed by it – just… whelmed.”

@samuel_hollis

“I didn’t think Q4 was going to happen.”

@SamSols

Then in 2012, I went agency-side again and I realised people talk shit all day long, not just in meetings, so I changed #thingsyouhearinmeetings to... #thingsyouhearinagencies and again, shared what I was hearing:

“Can we make the red look hard?

“Do you want magic words or just regular ones?”

“They’re suggesting we use Times New Roman.”

“You can only do drop shadows going one way.”

“Let’s just Lorem it.”

“How fixed are we on the toilet door approach?”

And again, people joined in because they're all sitting in agencies hearing this shit too.

“We presented 18 ideas – how did they manage to pick the worst one?”

@Jason_scott

“Don’t worry, it looks far worse than it is.”

@LarnerC

“We need another monkey with a Mac.”

@EdScottLondon

“I’m not being negative, it’s just crap.”

@AdeleMitchinson

Then on 3 August 2012, Nick Entwistle of One Minute Briefs tweeted me:

“Liking the #thingsyouhearinagencies – wanna make it something official?”

@BOC_ATM

And on the very same day, @AgencyQuotes went live - a Twitter account dedicated to all the things you hear in agencies.

And again, people joined in.

“We’ve got dust on standby.”

@bethcgee

“Someone tell the creatives there’s more outfit colours than black.”

@nabeel13arif

“How scaleable is smell?”

@AdamRoss7

“The dog looks a bit serious… can you make it smile?”

@magnafication

“So the new ad will be blue but not blue blue – just push the purple in the direction of blue.”

@TheSparkGroup

“Don’t go in the ladies’ loo – there’s a sheep in there.”

@MrCCMiller

“I like it, just make the logo bigger.”

@racebarnics

That was over five years ago - 28,000 tweets to over 10,000 followers around the world.

Then in 2015, Nick tells me we should make a book of quotes. So we did. We put hundreds of our favourite quotes into our very first Agency Quotes book, and last year we did it again for our second. I'd love to tell you they're available in all good bookshops but they aren't – we print them on demand and make no money!

Want one? They make brilliant agency Secret Santa gifts! Get Volume 1 here and Volume 2 here.

But as funny as all the tweets are, behind the laughter is the truth.

These aren’t joke tweets – they aren’t made up.

They’re a report of what goes on behind agency doors – we’re telling the world how we work all day every day and it doesn’t look good. What do these tweets say about our industry? What do they say about us?

It's clear that we don’t work effectively, we don't work efficiently, we don't work ethically, we don't work fairly, we don't work collaboratively and we don't work creatively.

We can change this. 

“Oh look, there's the idea rapist.”

@BridieFalls

We can work better together, not against each other.

“Thanks for all the artworky stuff – that must be well boring.”

@Hazel_Pugh

We can respect each other...

“Today I want to dress like something really scary – like an Account Executive.”

@NoelDavila

...and respect what we each bring to the team, to the job, to the agency.

“In a stunning disregard for personal safety, they're insisting on a face-to-face meeting.”

@twietie88

And we can respect our clients.

“Can you put it in situ as unfortunately the client has no imagination.”

@Ad_Bitch_London

Clients pay us to do what we do best - to be imaginative, to be innovative, to be creative. Clients like nothing more than a successful agency relationship and they love working with Creatives.

“Ever get the feeling this client hasn’t got a fucking clue?”

@PeterJStephen

But we must help them – we must guide them, educate them, include them, involve them.

We must show them what it takes to get to the magic...

“We want you to develop an app for us – in Excel.”

@ClareBarry

...and they’ll respect our process, our craft, and our time...

“The deadline was yesterday.”

@joyoveda 

...so we can be free to create without fear and without limits.

We can be free to create magic.

“Final>Final 2>FINAL FINAL>FINAL USE THIS ONE>THIS IS THE FINAL VERSION USE THIS!> VERY FINAL ONLY USE THIS VERSION!”

@SophCHammo

By Vikki Ross

Vikki Ross is a Copywriter, Copywriting Tutor and Co-Founder of Copy Cabana, the hottest event around for Creatives and Clients